Halloween done!

So, it is all a crazed landslide now...after Halloween, it always happens. Next, is Thanksgiving, Christmas and in my family Birthdays in my household, for everyone except me. The kids, had a blast this week-end they looked so cute in their costumes, we hit every festival known to man in our subdivision. After, gorging themselves on candy they managed to pass out before 10 PM, dreaming of Candy wonderlands and a world in which it is Halloween everyday.

I realized this week-end, how much I missed being home. My kids are goofballs and I have to admit, I love that about them. Silly, random-ness that, I see so much of myself in them. The good stuff, innocence, and just the Hello, world! It's me and nothing can stop me, I can do anything! The best version of ourselves is in our kids, I do believe that.

That window of opportunity (before they are jaded byt the world, as they get older) is great, this age is getting in some respects, easier! (I dare say it) Where, mom and dad are the coolest things since sliced bread and the notion that we are, in-fact funny. We had a lot of fun as a family, which I am grateful and lucky to have.

I Also, found out today, that it is going to cost an arm and a leg to start my small business. Of course, I specialize in food and you need a million licenses, certifications and money to get started. Nice. I put in a call to SCORE to see if they can help me navigate through all of this. I told my husband, let's just get a divorce and live together, that way we have a million tax breaks, insurance for the kids, help with school, financial grants to start new businesses etc... He said yeah, right, it would just give you an excuse to really leave...lol All, joking as side, I can't work three jobs for much longer and need to really focus on the cake business.

Another day, at government. Not, a too bad day, tonight, dinner? I have no idea...But, here is a re-cap of dinner Saturday night....

Homemade Pot Roast:

1 Chuck or Bottom roast
Emerald Seasoning (to taste)
No Salt added Garlic & Herb Seasoning (to taste)
Kosher Salt
Cracked Black Pepper
1 packet of Onion Soup Mix
1 box of beef broth
1 can of cream of mushroom soup
1 small can of tomato sauce
1/4 stick of butter
Canola oil
Celery
Carrots
Onion
3 cloves of Garlic


Dry the roast, by patting it down with a paper towel. Season roast and melt Butter with canola oil in a shallow skillet. Sear all sides of roast, place in crock pot. Add veggies, soup mix, tomato sauce, mushroom soup and beef broth to crock pot. Set on low for 6-8 hours.


Gravy:

1/4 stick of butter
3 tablespoons of all purpose flour
Drippings from crock pot

Melt butter into a saucepan add flour and cook for one-minute. add dripping bring to a boil. Take roast out and separate with fork, pour over gravy and serve.


Roasted yellow and red potatoes:

1 lb of yellow and red petite potatoes quartered
1/2 of stick of butter cubed
House seasoning to taste
3 tablespoons of oil

In a shallow roasting pan coat quartered potatoes in oil and sprinkle seasoning. Add cubed butter around pan. Roast in the at 400 degrees for 30-40 minutes. Serve, with sour cream and chopped fresh parsley.


Make a green salad or Vegetable and serve....

Long week and Dexter....

So, I know it has been a while. But, here I am again. It's been a hell of a week, busy, shitty, that sort of thing. (I always feel like, I am a downer on here) Oh, well it's my blog and I think I get inspired to write when I am not in a cheery mood.

Anyway, my house? Busy. Why? I work too much and we are getting ready for Halloween. The kids are going to look so cute though and Gabe is going to be my little monster. After a crappy week of course food is my comfort. I think, I am going to start posting recipes and would like to get your responses or reviews, if you try them (all four of you). Since, I started my cookbook again (thanks Sue for this idea) I am going to start posting my recipes.

Here it goes. So, Wednesday night during our season catch up of Dexter (which I love by the way, thanks Dena for getting me hooked!) I was craving something comforting since, lunches have consisted of PB&J because of lake of money to eat out.

Here was the menu:

Honey Glazed Pork Chops, Grits, Sweet Potato Casserole & Country Green beans:

Sweet Potato Casserole:

• 2 cans of sweet potatoes in syrup
• 2 tablespoons of pumpkin pie spice
• Cinnamon to taste
• Nutmeg to taste
• 3 table spoons of brown sugar
• Pinch of kosher salt
• Half and half
• 3 tablespoons of butter
• Marshmallow cream
• Pecans (Crushed)
  

Empty sweet potatoes with liquid into a medium saucepan. Boil, uncovered until heated through and strain. Add half & half, butter and spices to the pot and beat with an electic mixer until creamy. Place in a medium casserole dish, top with pecans and marshmallow cream. Bake in the oven at 375 until top is golden brown.

Country Green beans:

• Two cans of cut green beans
• Ham (cubed) 1/4 pound
• Half of a small sweet onion minced
• Salt and cracked pepper to taste
  

Empty all ingredients in a sauce pan, over medium high heat for 15-20 min. Serve.

Honey Glazed Pork:

• 4 to 5 Bone-in Pork chops
  Emerald Essence Seasoning (to taste)
• Salt/Pepper (to taste)
• Garlic Salt with parsley (to taste)
• Garlic herb rub no salt added (to taste)
• Honey for Glazing
• 2 Table spoons of butter
• 2 Table Spoons of Canola Oil

Pre-heat indoor grill/grill pan on medium high, add butter and oil. Season Pork chops and grill for 4 minutes per side or until Brown and crispy. Flip only once (you know when it is ready to flip when, you see blood from the bone, starts to surface.) Take off grill place on platter to rest. While hot, drizzle with honey over the top.

Honey Grits:

• 1 cup Quick Cooking Grits
• 3 cups of Milk (Yes, I make mine with milk, it's creamier)
• Pinch of salt (kosher)
• 2 tablespoons of butter
• Honey (to taste)
• 3 tablespoons of sugar
  

Bring liquid including butter to a slow boil, reduce heat to med-low. Add grits, sugar, salt and honey, until thick. Bring to slow boil, adjust grit consistency, by adding dry grits or more milk for desired thickness. Serve .

Let me know, what you think and leave a comment or two. Bon Appetit!

Back from Vacation...

So, we are back from vacation. Back to the old grind so to speak. We took one of those “stay-cations”, seems like in this economy, everyone is taking those instead of going away. I was thankful for the break, needed it very much so. But, could very well take another week off; we did the stay at home thing, while venturing off on the week-end to the beach and over to Busch Gardens with the kids. I had a taste of what it would be like to be a stay at home mom for once. The shear joy of dropping ones kids off to school and picking them up while having the day to get stuff done that normally sits around the house not done because I NEVER, EVER have time for, was in fact, very refreshing.

There I was in line among the sea of SUV’s and Mini-vans. I felt like, I was in high school all over again. Awkward and not in “the club” amongst the stay at home mom click. I really feel that way even more so now, since I signed up for the PTA newsletter. Don’t get me wrong, very informative, but, ladies let’s get together and volunteer for this or that. Seems to me it’s another upper west side Ladies’ luncheon or my kids are in this something or another. I do care about my kids just really not into the whole Volvo driving soccer mom-ish thing. Where you are so engulfed with your kids you don’t have your own identity. Or, you try to live vicariously through them that you push them into everything you may or may not have failed at? Is that a bad thing to say? Anyway, it was nice for the time being to slow down and get to do the things with my kids that I clearly miss out on. I think it was nice for them to have me home as well. House was clean all the time dinner was cooked and ready we had a schedule down without rushing around in the morning because I was too exhausted to prepare the night before.

I am really thinking about this whole stay at home bit and going back to school thing. If only I could afford to do something about it. Being the planner that I am, with always a timeline on hand; I did manage to get a tad organized on the subject while, on my down time. We will see I imagine I cannot go on like this forever.

Busch Gardens was fun, Michael and I went on Thursday so we could get our roller coaster fix and then took the kids back again on Saturday. I think I am getting old or like my parents, which I was kind of bummed about. I can’t take roller coasters like I used to. I felt dizzy and sick which sucked ass! It could be because I was sick with a cold the first half of the vacation, I am just going to safely assume, in all outing denial that it was because of the cold and not because I am approaching a down hill turn into adulthood.

Busch Gardens with the kids was actually not too bad. Aside, from the mishap of not bringing their Birth Certificates, for the free passes (which I personally thought was ridiculous, who brings a certified birth certificate to a theme park?) It’s not like my son is growing a beard or anything. Disney is better at that sort of thing, if they are in a stroller, off you go. But, they were nice and let us in the park. Jaden my youngest could not get on a ride because of being the tiniest amount shorter than her twin sister.

Let me tell you about my girls, Madison looks like me but, Jaden is me. She argued with the park attendant saying that she and her sister are twins and that they are the same age…etc… She called the guy stupid and crazy and pointed out to him that he smashed her ponytail down while measuring her! I know she was upset but, I couldn’t stop laughing, clear as day, I tell you. We later got some cotton candy and she got over it. But, it was Hilarious! I have my work cut out for me, I can see that already…….

Cute....

Got his little thing from a friend at work and thought it was funny…..true and funny….Thanks Tracie!


When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a BITCH. When I stand up for those I love, they call me a BITCH, when I speak my mind, think my own thoughts , or do things my own way, they call me a BITCH, when I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it, I am defined as a BITCH. I means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won’t become anyone else’s idea of what they think I should be…….if that makes me a BITCH, so be it; I embrace the title and am proud to bear it!

B=Babe
I= In
T= Total
C= Control of
H= Herself

B= Beautiful
I= Intelligent
T= Talented
C= Charming
H= Hell of a Woman!

Long time, no blog...

Well, I have been exhausted lately, could be because I now work two jobs now. But, you know, it could be something else, not really. On my quest, to pay off the debt, I have accrued over the years, to get me on track to start school soon. I have to say, at the very least, I have worked my tail off, these last few months.

Hence, not having time to blog in quite a while. I am sure all four of you have just gone stir crazy not hearing about my exciting life [insert sarcasm].

But, let’s recap the events that have happened……hmmmmmm…. I am crazier, which is a given, but, I am on some happy pills now, so, hopefully, I am less neurotic (well, prob. not.) I have managed to re-open my financial aide application; I have not finished and hopefully finish it, this time around.

Aside, from the usual drama that goes on at work from time to time, it is about that time, I am back to hello? Krystal? What are you doing? Get motivated, you’re better than this! I have noticed it comes around about every three months, which is weird in itself, but, whatever. I am sure there are some diagnoses, or weird thing about the planets aligned, full moon, BS that explains, the end of times, sort of thing or something.

I have been doing a lot of soul searching, getting things in order financially (aside from working to death) and trying to get on a plan for school. Michael and I have gotten better for the most part, we are very much a team now, I think my crazy pills are working…lol (actually they help me sleep, which is a huge plus, turning off the mind of an insomniac, is no easy task) So, better night sleep, better Krystal in the morning.

I am also learning to let some things go in my life. Not, be such a perfectionist, which, actually, I have more peace about these days, or I just don’t care anymore. Especially, people that are shitty, not fully conquered letting those kinds of people go, but, I am working on it. Like, the saying goes…there is a reason why they don’t make it in your future…yeah, learning that one, again the hard way but, learning, if it doesn’t kill you…right?

A perfect end to a perfect Birthday....

May, I be the first to say wow! I am twenty five and it feels awesome. I am sure, as I start to "get up there", it won’t be so awesome but, my birthday was fabulous! A, huge, huge, thank-you to all of my friends and family for making it so, special for me. What topped of the celebration, for me were of course the friends, that met up for dinner; lot’s of laughing and good times. But, more importantly the French restaurant my husband, took me on, Friday night. I was in my element and I recommend this restaurant, to anyone, that remotely, enjoys good food.

To re-cap our experience, we walked in greeted by the chef, was sat, at a quaint table, by the window. As, I sat down, I looked around at the mahogany wood flooring, red walls and huge double doors, that divided the restaurant into individual rooms. There was a huge rustic, chandelier and out side with the half draped windows, I thought, I was literally in New York City. People were bustling by, and twinkle lights just coming on because dusk was falling. I was absolutely beaming. Michael looked over at me, with total satisfaction, that he scored and I just let him have his glory. The pallet cleanser, was a croustini, all assembled perfectly on a oblong, white platter. Served, in little clear glass cups , was a sour cream, with a red wine vinegar reduction ,with chives. De-lish, I might say. I ate the stuff right out of the glass, it was so good.

While, waiting for our meal, I took it in. Men were seated next to us, enjoying the "finer things" in life, ordering the pork shank ,braised in honey and wine by the bottle. It reminded me of the movie: Titanic, in the brandy room, congratulating, themselves ,of being masters of the universe. I smiled and laughed at their comments, they made to each other, as they got tipsy.

By, that time, our food came. There, were perfectly decorated, white plates. It was almost too pretty to eat; the portion was not tiny by any means. Which I can appreciate, like that commercial, I am not paying for elf food. Michael had the chicken of course and I had the Bouf Bourguignon (aka: braised beef stew with red wine and root vegetables.)

Michaels, chicken, was in a mushroom sauce with rice pilaf and I had the al gratin potatoes. Delicious and rich! The meat fell apart and the chicken, was perfectly seasoned in this rich cream sauce; down to the homemade, French bread that, I overindulged in ,with butter.

But, what I really want to talk about is the dessert. I wanted all of them, I really did. They all looked so good. We decided on, the floating island and a bread pudding made with brioche with homemade ice cream. The floating island was a meringue floating in a vanilla sauce with toasted almonds on top. When you get down to the middle, there was a chocolate truffle. To die for! The brioche was a decadent, crusty, sugary good-ness, around the top and edges, with a drizzle of raspberry sauce, whipped cream and homemade French vanilla ice cream. We inhaled it served, with espresso and cream.

As, we finished our meal ,left and went to the car I immediately sent a text to Sue and said: I am in heaven and I am taking you here for your birthday. So, a five star experience and twenty five is going to be great!

Just another, Manic Monday.....

Don’t you hate it, when you wake up late? It puts your whole day off. My alarm did not go off this morning and I leaped out of bed of course saying “Oh Shit, Michael wake up I’m, late!” (Lovely to wake up to, I’m sure)

I managed, to get out the door on time and drive like hell to work, half put together, dropping things, and well my hair is not cooperating this morning of course!

Talking to Sue like usual on the phone, (morning pick-me –up) I had another call come in, swapped, back over to Sue, did not realize that she was on speaker, put the phone, up to my ear to say Hey I’m back, she says Hey!

Of course blew out my ear drum! I screamed all sorts of profanity, laughed and said :”OMG! Sue! That would have been so funny, on like an SNL skit, or some funny commercial for career-builder.com or something. Just add like, a close call to an accident, coffee spilt all over me, and like toilet paper stuck to my shoe. I guarantee it would be funny like the e-trade baby. Just add a caption saying something along the lines like rough day?” She just laughed at me.

I don’t do well under pressure it seems, but, then I come in and my saving Grace, Nikki (my friend at work), says: “Hey before you go, I picked you up some coffee and this wrap thingy.” (I’m like the guy on the McDonalds’ commercial “Don’t talk to me I haven’t had my coffee yet, sorta thing.”) Ahhh, caffeine legal addictive stimulants, only in America folks!

I think I got carried away, because I immediately hugged her and said:” Bless you, did I mention I love you, I really do, and you’re the best!”

She replied: Rough morning I see, don’t get carried away.

Key to a hectic morning, laugh at your stupidity. Works every time, I don’t take myself all that seriously (or at least try not to). But, when everything is array, something always catches me funny and all is right with the world again. I try to make a joke out of every downfall, I have usually at my expense but, hey, get’s me through the day. So, people if your trying to make fun of me, I will usually beat you there. I am aware of my neurotic craziness, and I will probably egg you on. (That could be a disorder)

So yeah, random nothing-ness this morning. I am sure my readers all three of you are so interested about my day, this could get, one might say, narcissistic. Sorry, for a not-so exciting life, I could lie and make up stuff. Eh? Maybe……

Homemade chicken tenders and 5 kids......

Baby-sitting tonight, which surprisingly isn't quite bad. My kids behave better, how ironically that may sound. Our friends, Brittany and Kenny are going out tonight, and really everyone needs to get out sometimes. They have two girls, I jokingly said to Michael during dinner what if we had 5 kids? and 4 of them were girls? He looked at me as though, I was talking in another language and said come again? I laughed and said yeah, can you imagine the teenage years? I think Michael got an instant migraine.

So, I got everyone one down, at a surprisingly decent hour. Their little girl Addie is a doll, still a baby and yes, as crazy as that sounds, got those old feelings again. Ahhh, remember when they were this little?

Babies. Like puppies, are incredibly infectious and cute. When one comes into the office everyone flocks to them. And who can blame them?

After dinner, and making sure everyone had gotten the right kind of dipping sauce, ketchup for Gabe, ranch for Lily,so on and so on. It was coloring and brownies and movie time. I always take a moment back and watch them. I tend to do that like on holidays, nothing is more great to me then a house full of people. No gift can compare, than people around eating and laughing and having a good time. Knowing, that they are comfortable in our home. I always tend to get away in the corner, like I am part of the furniture and observe what is going on in the room. Michael, always catches me doing that and just smiles because he knows that, I am incandescently happy for that moment.

I haven't done that in a long time. We used to have dinner parties all the time. I need to start again. The past months have been out-of-character for me. Haven't felt like celebrating anything, this past Christmas was just weird. Maybe, because of it, being still warm and having a late, cold winter this year. When it's warm on Christmas and then finally gets cold after, to me it's such a disappointment. It needs to be cold when it's supposed to be cold. You can't get all jolly in 80 degree weather. Michael, often fantasizes about moving up in the mountains, dream sequences of streams and lakes. Sometimes, I do ,want the Norman Rockwell painting, Thanksgiving and Christmas. Of course, with a little Christmas story, humor in it. F-r-a-g-i-l-e, I think that's Italian. LOL Gotta have that every year.What can I say, I am a sucker for nostalgic-ness. Is that a word?

What is it you like to do?

.........Paul Child had asked Julia this very question. Her response? Eat! Paul then said jokingly (at least in the movie) And you do it so well! When Julia responded:I am growing in front of you!

Did, I mention, I love food? I watched Julie and Julia (actually, I am watching it again) if you knew, what kind of week, I have had and know, how my mind works. Then, you would understand. I am in a funk, not even re-runs of That 70's show, could cheer me up! But, that movie and making poached eggs over a sausage and potato hash with asparagus for dinner. Kinda did. I also made a dessert with strawberries, vanilla cake, vanilla pudding, and whipped cream (Michael's Favorite).

Cooking to me, is an obsession, my first love I'd might say. I don't know, why but, some people get it and some, well, don't. Furthermore, cooking and writing about food helps me to escape what I do everyday. Warm fussie-ness as Sue would put it, that place where "all is right with the world." Even though it is far, far from it.

So, I am at the part in the movie where she calls in "sick" from work because she burned the stew that she was making for the person who first published Julia Child's book Mastering the Art of French Cooking, but instead of being sick she had to make the stew again only to find out she wasn't coming. So, the boss calls her in to say: So, are you feeling better? and goes on to say if you don't "feel" like going to work then let me know, and I will find someone who wants their job. I am not a schmuck I could fire you, a republican would fire you. Only, after her and her husband got into a huge fight and left.

She, then goes on to say, that, she doesn't deserve her husband and asked her friend, if she was a bitch, her friend being a friend, like some that I have "real," too real sometimes, but, necessary agreed, that in-fact she is a bitch.

Well, after this week (which I am not elaborating on because well, has to do with my job) (which I really need at the moment and who knows who is reading). That, I am lucky to have a really nice guy, that I am married to. Supportive and is my rock, when, I want to just break down, fall on the kitchen floor and have a two-year old meltdown. But, along with my family and friends, I will wake-up tomorrow and have the best perspective as possible, with a smile on my face and will try and do my best. (Because I have no choice)

Which brings me to my mission. I really need to go back to school. I am going to be back on track this week and finally, fill out my financial aid. I am going to make something out of myself dammit! and I am going to have a job that I truly love and am passionate about. When you are a kid you want to become things like, a policeman, fireman, astronaut not a permit specialist, or receptionist, but something great, and by God I am better than that. I have too much talent and creativity then not using it to my full potential. I am tired of just "making it" and I for once am ready to live. I am that un-comfortable and un-happy where I cannot just deal with it anymore, with a lot of hard work and perseverance I will succeed. So there ya go......that's today or tonight I might say....until tomorrow!

St. Patricks Day and the cupcake.....

So, I broke down last night after a long day at work and ventured out to the grocery store. My mission, to find the ingredients for a french butter cream. Not just any butter cream, but, a vanilla bean, french, butter cream. (I had to call Publix ahead of time, to see if they carried real vanilla bean and surprisingly they do) However, when I got there, I wasn't so thrilled that the price of one vanilla bean was a whopping, $8.00. I quietly, said to myself this better be worth it. After, I made the tomato, spinach pasta, for the kids and the husband and ventured out to my mother's house for some solitude. (she, also has a fabulous kitchen, with lots of counter space and a mixer, mine died)

Did I mention, I love coming home? In the midst of 70 and 80's classic music playing in the kitchen. (Which always puts me in a good mood) I got to catch up with my mom, while attempting to create this butter cream icing and about a half an hour later, with a little compromise, it worked. It was a little rocky for a while, my egg whites ,deflated because the simple syrup, was not cooled down long enough. But, it worked. I made about two batches, I owe my mother some eggs, but, there it was. Wonderfully, fattening and it tasted like that Breyer's Vanilla bean ice cream. But, better because it is a frosting. I paired it, with a coconut cupcake infused with cinnamon and also made a banana cupcake, as well. I think, I got sick off, of so much icing. But it was good.

A co-worker is going up to New york, at the end of this month and is going to that, Butter Lane bakery and is going to tell me, if I came close. I brought them, to work today and have gotten good reviews. With a little "tweaking," I am definitely, going to add that frosting to my portfolio, for my business.

So, St. Patrick's Day, huh? This, day has a two fold meaning to me. 7 years ago, I took my naive ass down to county government and started my first day of work there, as a Receptionist. I remember it because I wore a black suit that day and anyone and everyone pinched me for not wearing green. With-out getting too depressed, that, I started as a receptionist and now I back to a receptionist position (Oh excuse me "Customer Service Specialist" to be politically correct) and that I am not a Chef yet. I made the cupcakes and shoved them ever so hastily into my mouth and said, I still have time.....just keep swimming, just keep swimming LOL

Good morning....

Another day,well, actually the sunrise was beautiful this morning. Took Marley out for a walk and God was is fabulous. Can't wait until the warm weather comes. My legs are white as a ghost, man, they have been in hiding, for months now. Finally, started running again and I had to put some orange-y sunless tanner on, to hide the varicose veins, pregnancy and my lovely children left me. Children. Watch out ladies your body will never be the same again! You have been warned! LOL ...I have been lucky though. No complaints, here I could have been the octo-mom or something.

So, this morning, checked in to see the twins sleeping. (I like to do that a time or two, that's when I actually think they are angels) I love morning, when it's quite, everyone is still asleep or the late evening where everyone settles down and rests. Kinda like that movie with Brad Pitt. Benjamin Button or something....what did he say? Something about, how you can hear the house breathing...something like that. I love that, sit out on the porch when it's quite out and take it all in, life, just take it in. It like coming home, especially when you have been away for a while, how safe and comforting it is, home. Nothing like it.

He also said something like: Our lives are defined by opportunities, even the ones we miss. Which, brings me to my job interview, yesterday, it went well. I mainly said to God in the parking lot,(we talk) if it is meant to be, then let them offer it to me ,if not, then don't. But, I tried and that's good enough for me. I did not miss that opportunity at least, I think that would have turned out more disappointing, if I did not at least try.

So, St. Patrick's day is tomorrow, which, It will be 7 years with the county for me. Wow 7 years already. I think I am going to make cupcakes. I was watching food network (as I always do) and there was this clip about this cupcake bakery called Butter Lane. (the name does it for me already) Come on, Butter and then a Lane? Just, dripping with calories.

Well, they make these homemade, type (which to clarify, not jumbo or hormone injected cupcakes, but normal sized, like you made them at home type)cupcakes and they come with a little something special. They use all organic ingredients, but, more importantly they do a french butter cream. They start out by mixing granulated sugar instead of powdered sugar, egg whites, butter and real vanilla bean. The final product, is lighter and fluffier than your traditional butter cream. They paired the vanilla butter cream, with a banana cupcake. Yum-o! I am going to have to try that, most definitely. You cannot go wrong with banana and vanilla. No sir! Anyway, you can choose and pair frosting to which cake you want. Choices! Awesome. I will have to put that place, on my list to stop in, when, I get to go to New York.

So, tonight, as I am on food now, I am going to do pasta with a tomato, meat/vodka sauce with spinach. Yum-o again! That's the only way, I can get my kids to eat spinach, is to put fresh spinach and hide it in creamy, tomato sauce.

So, it's Monday....again.

Good morning, fellow readers...all three of you. Hmmm, I need to work on that. Anyway, it's Monday again. We are losing an hour of sleep, it is not yet spring (still a wee bit cold), worked all week-end and it's Monday. Yay. (try not to be too excited)

So, this morning I was watching my usual You-tube bloggers *Ahem* (we'll give them a shout out) The Philip Defranco show, The vlogbrothers, Equals three, Shane Dawson and this british kid Tristopia (he's growing on me). (check them out on you-tube and comment if you like them)(Ahhh, spreading the love)

(BTW, my job is not that demanding, I just processed all of the online permits, for the building division, Friday) Yeah, nothing to do, but look pretty and answer the phone. What have I become?!!! Okay, a little mellow dramatic...But, still I need to get this career thing going.

So, I was thinking about this whole blogging thing, my life really isn't that interesting. But, does it become interesting when, we write it down or vlog about it? Like facebook status updates? Oh I am going to home depot and picking out flooring.......comment comment comment ......Who the "f" cares? (Note: the "f" is for my mother-in law, she hates it ,when I curse) (she also asked me over the week-end, What is WTF?, I thought it was funny.)Now, I have become sucked into facebook and updated my status a time or too. I mainly, do , on the off occasion, I do go on facebook just to let everyone know, that, I am still alive. Or, I get the messages that say: Hey, are you still alive? You are never on here? Oh, I am sorry, I am just carrying on, living my life like what you should be doing, than being on facebook. But, when you think about it? How stupid is that? There is a great personal, invention it's called the telephone. Call me, if you want to check if I am breathing. Or, there is this "chatting thing" that people, you hardly talk to, want, to all of a sudden "chat" and it goes like this.

Hello or what's up?
Nothing much u?
Nothing....
So.....
Yeah....
How r the kids?
Good.
how are your kids or with my generation college?
good. you know.....
brb....
log off.....
(1/2 hr later)
log back in....
other person? gone....okay, back to surfing the web...

That's like when you run into someone whom, you weren't really friends with, in high school and all of a sudden they are like Oh, hey what's going on? blah blah blah...yeah good... It' just weird. What do you talk about? Umm, yeah, I haven't seen you in 5 years and well, awkward, and I don't really know what to say and I am not going to pour out, my whole life story to you and yeah it's so good to see you...(Great, now if people see me in the store they will totally avoid meor think I am a major bitch now) I'm just 'sayin, it's fake and gay. It's just funny if you really think about it, the meaningless, "socialy correct," "small talk" we do on a daily basis. We all do it, no shame, just funny when you think about it. All that fluff.

Just, proves the point, certain people stay in your life and some well, don't make the cut. God, that sounds, bitchy. Maybe, because I'm always the one like: Oh, yeah let's get together (like actually get together, not just talk about it)or investing time into people, that really don't give a shit and I'm tired of it. Yeah, I tend to get trampled. (pity party asside) Wow, how did this get into a bitch fest? Re-wind....so, as I was saying, blogging do we really say, what is really going on? or do we filter it because other people can see?

We, will be back in our house, this week-end!

Yayeah! (Even though they took their sweet ass time getting things done, one month to be exact) Then they wanted to blame it on the inspection process, yeah, *a-hem* worked for the building division?

Anyway, Michael and I will be happy to be back at our house once again, brand new......new floors, new paint, new carpet.....to later mess up again. Our dog, Marley, should be ecstatic because I think by now, she is clinically depressed with all of us being gone only to pop in to feed her and take her for a walk.

So, yeah my new job...good for the most part. Aside from the petty occasional drama I could very much due without. But, so far so good, not fired yet and to make matter worse I had gotten another job offer. Perfect timing. I said to myself but, one who does not shy away from opportunity, I applied. My current boss, said all the right things, when I told her, but, I yet still un-decided. Because well, I kinda like my job now and money isn't everything. But, for once in my life opportunity is knocking at my door, not the other way around so maybe (pause with dramatic climax) wait for it......A sign! Okay, maybe, minus the dramatic climax.

Anyway, lot's of cleaning to do this week-end LOTS.....So this past week-end saw Alice and wonderland, Fantastic by the way! Of course Johnny Depp never disappoints. The film was visually fantastic and I was delighted it was not the same story. So a must-see I'd might say. Gabe was loving it especially at the end the dance the mad hatter performs (very funny).

Which brings me to parenting, the last few weeks have really tested my patience as a parent. I know being all in one room at my parents house has not been fun for them as well. But, yeah I have never researched tips on parenting so much in my life. (like there is a book) But, still I have been recording Super nanny and everything these past few weeks. They, have been CRAZY! The stress is really getting to me, I have actually been looking forward to work (as crazy as that sounds). Yeah, that bad. Like you go to the doctor for a check-up and come back with cancer bad.

But, all joking aside, I am getting teenage behavior now.

Did God say?

God: Yeah, this would be funny watch this!

Madison gets mad at me one day screams, and says: Mommy you are really making me mad! and slams the door in my face.

I am like WTF? Thinking to myself :I should not have this hormonal meltdown until at least 13.

So, I did not know what to do?

Well, scratch that, I was so mortified ,I bust open the door and say: don't you ever do that to me again, I am not ready to have this conversation with you!

She looked at me like what?

Ahhh life....isn't it ironic?

"Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you, yeah, life has a funny, funny, way of helping you out...." Ironic-Alanis Morissette.

Isn't that true! This week has been weird. Definitely. Just weird. Full circle I'd might say. But, better. (Those of you who have no idea what I am talking about, Just, leave it at that)

So, I was reading my posts and I really am enjoying this whole writing thing. I mean I always used to write, it just took up too much space, and well, my handwriting isn't the greatest and there is no spellcheck. So,with this avenue, I might, just might, actually, sound smarter than I really am. (or not) I am amazed at how centered I am now. (whoa, she thinks she's centered?)

Okay, Okay, well jury is out on that statement. But, I am beginning to have clarity. (well, at least today) Wow, this self loathing, I need to work on that, I have been accused of being negative. We won't go there.

But, I really do believe, now(got that? believe now), the things you go through in life, do make you a stronger, hopefully better person. Life has a funny way of showing you something, that well, in the end it teaches you a lesson and what ever that lesson is or was.

Lessons learned, I might say. But, more importantly, all is not lost in the end. You can re-build and make up for the mistakes sometimes. I think God gives you that opportunity, and well, by gosh, I took it today. Dammit! You live. You learn. (okay, enough with the songs....so true though)

People at least in my life, some people, have the ability to be my mirror. To reflect back to me well, the truth and what I am so desperately, trying to avoid or make up the excuse to get out of. There are a few people that are able to see right through me and say that's bullshit! tell me the truth....and to those few thanks!

Because, you have grow and sometimes, it's painful and sometimes, it's easy but, you grow and try to be the well rounded person, everyone thinks you are. (hopefully, we can lie to ourselves)

Change happens....

Change:Definition: to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone.

That simple word has the ability to scare and excite people. Change. I have encountered a lot of it lately. Some good, some bad, some that makes you realize who are the real people in your life and who well, aren't. It has been an emotional roller coaster, all these emotions, sad, happy, relieved, awkward, indifferent....etc.... Change....lot's of that going on.

We, are still living with my parents at the moment. Big, Huge, insurance claim on our house, lot's of flooding etc...With this roller coaster, my family has gone or is going through, explains why, I have not blogged in a while. My parents on the other hand, probably wish I would stay forever. I think it's my cooking. My dad made the comment the other night, he is gaining weight since I have been there.

I have started my new job, well, back and forth really. It's funny how people can treat you so badly and think that you are incompetent and when they are left with nothing they realize how vital you were. Hmmmm....anyway, I gave me resignation a week before Christmas and this is the first week, that well, I am not between positions. That, in it self, should tell you something.

Enough about that, my new position is quite interesting. I think, I am going to enjoy it, better management, better people, good things. Hopefully. 2009 sucked and I think I am well, determine 2010 is going to be a lot better. Not started out that way but, I am determined.

So, haven't done my taxes yet, procrastination. As usual and then financial aide, need to do that as well. Hopefully this week, well, I need to this week.

Anyway, aside from all that, Valentine's day well, un-eventful. I have noticed the search for a sitter is never-ending and the lack of money is ever so great. So hopefully, we will find some time for us soon.

On, another note, finally went to church yesterday, God, it seems like it has been forever. It was good. I miss it , I do, I know I have come a long way from where I was. But, every time, I go to Reflections church, I get such a good feeling.

Pastor Jeff, you've got it going on. We were greeted with a Hey! how are you doing?! I am so glad you are here! Like, you were coming home. Genuine. Not, Mike and Krystal haven't been here, I wonder if they are backsliding....blah blah blah.... (not even having anything , remotely occur to them, that we might have had a lot going on lately?)

So yeah, kudos to Reflections church...it's finally the church we , were looking for, young, casual and real. I think, that is why we left to begin with....(church that is) we were tired of going through the motions. I think, we are all looking for something real and when you find it. What a relief. Anyway, we do need to start at least attending more, you can get so caught up with life, you loose sight of what it really important. We need to find our way again, just with balance this time....

Hello. Did you miss me?

Whaaaooooo........has the past week been a busy one! All these changes in my life.

Let's re-cap, from the last post, got stood up to go to dinner with the adorable friends of mine, went out last Friday for some convo with my soon-to-be ex-boss, Went shopping after, found great deals on children's clothing, planned my husbands Birthday party for this week-end, forgot about a committee meeting I was supposed to go to, looked at more college scholarships. Went to a birthday party for an old friend, saw her baby, wanted more kids, smacked my self for even thinking that. Got my hair done, came home to a disaster.

Had the kids and the husband get sick, lack of sleep for 3 days, took off Wed. to clean-up my house due to a water leak. Ripped up flooring in the bathroom due to a water leak, stressed about finances, spend the whole day cleaning and disinfecting, trying not to get sick, feeling a little off, took our dog Marley out for a walk, talked to Marley a bit about house breaking, cleaned up the mess Marley made in the house. Realized, Marley cannot understand me and that I am crazy talking to a dog, yet she is a good listener. Found Marley, sleeping with Maddy on the couch because she was sick, thought to myself having a dog isn't so bad, Kissed Marley and Maddy, continued to clean.

Next day, ton's of things to do at work to finish up my last week, yesterday went out to a party at an old co-worker's house (felt a little awkward), heard a friend of mine's mother past away, called and sent my sympathy and thoughts, went to trivia night (finally) at Apple bee's with some friends, had a blast and stayed out too late, came home realized we are out of propane so no hot water/heat (yeah pleasant) and crashed with a few comforters, woke up this morning to my last day at work, read the news, realized I needed to pack up my desk, picked up the book I was reading and said, I need to start reading this again, had some cake, going out to lunch to celebrate my last day, movie night for the local teenagers we are hosting (committee), Mike's Party tomorrow and finally, hopefully spend some time with him, before the new adventure of my new job starts on Monday.


Did you get all that? Chaos!

You, are a lone reed......

....standing tall, waiving boldly in the corrupt sands of commerce... I needed to hear that today. Another long, and tiring day. And for those who who not know my dearest friend, Sue (there I said it) would know exactly, why I needed to hear, that movie line, from You've Got mail today.

Kathleen is faced with (as her store is threatened, by the "big" Fox Books Superstore) What she exactly does in her life. I remember her saying, I've been thinking about my work what is it I do Exactly? All, I really do is run a children's bookstore -as Frank interrupts her and says What you are doing is this incredibly Nobel thing.....Kathleen! You, are a lone reed!

Then goes on or (before I can't remember, as to explaining what he means) When you are finished with Fox books, the Shop Around the Corner is going to be responsible for reversing the entire course of the Industrial Revolution.

She later writes this : Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Valuable but, small. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around?

And, that my fellow readers is where, I was today. It has got me thinking of the no follow-through, I have. I sometimes ponder on that same question over and over again Do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So, Sue, your the only person that would get that. Even though we haven't talked as much as we normally do lately (chaos). I was thinking about you today and as sappy and sugary sweet that is, thanks for your lone reed talks. You get me, most definitely.

There, I was today, thinking about the women in my life. (risque huh?) Not really but, the family and friends that I do have. The ones that pick me up after the darkest of hours. The old the young, and some close male friends, I have had the privilege of growing up with. Thank-you for putting up with me, my chaos, random, goofy, embarrassing self. I don't know where I would be if I didn't have you guys in my life.

All that sappy stuff aside, tonight after I cook and spend time with my wonderful husband. I am going out to catch up, with those amazing dear friends of mine (which I have not seen in forever) and laugh and let my hair down (lack there of, I'm growing it out) and for one night feel like a kid again, and sit back and take the moment in.

I need it today. (little down I might say, don't know why, probably some girly hormonal thing which explains my sap, that no-one cares about) Anyway, I'm still blogging....which is a feat in it self. As, well as potty training the twins (that is like giving birth all over again, what a sense on accomplishment) Thanks mother-in-law for the help! (shout out to her)

Okay, I know, second post in one day....

So, I found Julie Powell's blog.....(yeah, I followed it) (I think this is like...hmmm what's the word obsession?) Nah, I just googled her(to see what other books she may have wrote, and to find out what she looks like) Come on, I have Amy Adams in my head....so she wrote another book called Cleaving: a story of marriage, meat, and obsession by: julie powell. So, I went on Amazon and looked at the reviews and came acrossed these....and I could not agree more.... So, Julie Powell (like she would ever read this, hmmm, maybe?)keep it up!...doing what you are doing...I myself like the honesty.

The Imperfect Book That I Adored, January 1, 2010
By
Theseus "theseus" (US of A) - See all my reviews
Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?) Julie Powell is trouble. Ambitious, high-strung, insecure, she drinks way too much. Trail-blazing, independent, a homebody. And a self-promoter. Sexually needy. No, sexually compulsive! In short, she isn't Amy Adams. The story here should have been simple. Julie meets great acclaim and huge financial rewards after Julie & Julia. She seeks her next project d'food: learning butchery. Sounds like an easy pitch, doesn't it? Girl power in the abattoir! Buffy the liver-eater! However, money and fame don't seem to be working for her. Her marriage is a wreck, she's now an adulterer, and she's desperately unhappy. This is a messy, ambitious, funny memoir. It is one of the most moving and enlightening things I have read in a long time. True, her style of writing here is all over the map. Not a smooth read. Some of the language just sort of spills onto the page in a big emotional glop. The writing about cutting meat is technical and agonizingly detailed. And there are recipes here. And travel memoir stuff. And character-driven explorations of her relationships with her husband and her lover. But OF COURSE this memoir is stylistically fractured. That, apparently, was the experience of being Julie Powell during these years. I felt carried along by a mysterious inner logic that seemed to course through this book. And just when I thought Julie had lost me and had lost herself (during the travel memoir stuff) the book came full circle. And Julie Powell found some respite. Some centering. And the whole thing made sense. I can't wait to see what she comes up with next.

Did I fall asleep and wake up in the wrong century?, January 3, 2010
By
Colorado Springs reader "Colorado Springs reader" (Colorado Springs) - See all my reviewsI would have thought that a woman writing an honest and gutsy memoir about, among other things, her extramarital affairs would at least get a fair hearing. I find all this hate fest stuff very strange, and quite unnerving. (pitchforks, anyone?) Is there anyone out there who hasn't been engulfed by group think? If so, this book is quite worthwhile: frank (perhaps she does over share a bit), well written, and even insightful. Her descriptions of our irrational behavior when we convince ourselves that we need some particular thing in order to be happy, and the crazy things we'll do as a result, the lies we'll tell ourselves - well, it's quite well done. So why is this book making people so nuts? I would have thought that couples have some right, nowadays, to decide what they want out of their own marriage, but apparently not - they need a marriage that conforms to the standards of random book reviewers. I hope that all this bile is some kind of weird outgrowth of the juxtaposition of women and cooking, and isn't reflective of the level of sexism in our society (still!!). I notice that someone in the comments section wrote that she wanted to read more about Julia Child (as opposed to the wicked Julie Powell), because Julia Child had a good marriage. Imagine! Julia Child was a fascinating woman, with all kinds of accomplishments, and she's to be valued for being lucky enough to have a good marriage. Sheesh. And Powell is not worth reading, because she isn't (in the eyes of the all-knowing wise ones who post reviews here) a good enough wife. Sheesh, again. Anyway, Julie Powell, we may forgive you if you get back in the kitchen (and stay there). Preferably barefoot. Sackcloth and ashes would help. Don't think for a moment that it's OK for you to be gallivanting around the world, because you have your marriage to think of, and even if your husband doesn't mind, it's our opinion that counts. And be sure, in the future, to write cheery upbeat stuff. Cutesy, you know. We, the reading public, aren't ready for anything bearing the remotest resemblance to real life, so don't even try that stuff with us. We're not exactly grownups, you may have noticed, and we don't want any challenges to our world view. And good writing doesn't cut any ice with us. We know it's `drivil' (i.e., we wouldn't know good writing if it bit us in the ankle). It's `disappointing'. And you wouldn't want to disappoint mature discriminating people like us. P.S. As far as I know, writing is a `real job'. As is working as a butcher.

Day 2, of this crazy journey, I am on....

So, let see, so far so good. I am keeping consistent with my blogging. (even though it is only day 2) Anyway, that is a good thing. Even though, I am probably the only one who may be reading this besides, My husband. Who, is the first to "follow" me (so supportive, I know, poor thing, me?, come on) I am going to continue, on my quest.

Last night, as I muddled though yet another long day at work and made my way to the grocery store (which I ended up spending an hour and a half at). The thing is about small towns, you just run into everyone and their mother. A lady that I use to work with, my Model Management guy (which has done nothing for me in the last year and a half, but rip me off for some pictures) and a few friends, I went to high school with. All, making of course "small talk" with the usual "So how are things with you?" When really it's just what someone says to try and act like they are interested before spilling there achievements, in the whole "see I am better than you, and not a shit head" so to speak.

It's like when you go and see your family for the holidays and all you hear is, "Well, my child(your cousin) is top in her class, is almost graduating from her master's degree, and has a huge house and everything is just perfect blah blah.....When in reality they are trying to prove that they weren't such a bad parent and from the outside all is well, but, really the child or (cousin) wants to slit her wrists all the time because of the constant pressure, from her parents to keep up with the Jones' and be the perfect role model for everyone. When, she probably has some freaky fetish that no one knows about. Like a catholic school girl her first day at a Public University....watch out their crazy!

So, here I am, after a mind numbing, soul-sucking dead end job from hell (yeah, I stole that from Julie Powell's book)(The soul- sucking part) Which by the end of this month, will be transferred, back to my old building, after they rob me of my dignity. At, the grocery store about to get the ingredients for a Ricotta, Honey w/ orange peel, cheesecake, I need to make for a girl at work that is leaving our department. (Lucky bastard)

So, I come home to chaos and in making this cheesecake, all is right with the world. There is something, that has to be said about making something so delicious, after a long day, that just makes everything alright. (At least for that moment) I don't think it is a healthy habit (emotional eating that is) and if it weren't for my metabolism, I should be 300 lbs by now, the way I eat. What can I say, I just love food and love to eat it.

So, back to the goal. College. Major: Teaching. Minor: Art/Culinary Arts. I did manage to get a list of scholarships to apply for from elearners.com and start plowing away at applying. How, many sappy stories/essays they must go through, to award a scholarship every year. The point is, my life sucks and I need more money. So, I need to get a degree in something, to even be considered for a job that makes more money. End of crappy, essay. (I don't think, I should say that)

Then, comes financial aid yay! Currently, waiting on my W2 to come in so I can file my taxes, to fill out my financial aid, to probably be rejected, because I am middle class America. $11.00 over the poverty level but $11.00 too much to receive any assistance. So, if I take my white ass and not work, I could sit on that ass, pop out a few more kids and really drain the government. Then I would have it made, because what's our motto? "Work harder people on well-fare depend on you." (Not, stereotyping everyone, I have come close to being there) But, for all those lazy people, who are well qualified to work and can, but, don't give a shit and think it's going to be handed to you....get a job!(probably going to get hate mail for that) trolls....

Okay, enough of my ranting on issues that well, I cannot change. So, the cheese cake was a hit! So good, had (clearing my throat) 3 pieces....what? it was good! My lunch hour is nearly over so, I will leave you with this:

"But, Julia Child isn't about that. Julia Child wants you- that's right you, the one living in the tract house in sprawling suburbia with a dead-end middle management job and nothing but a stop and shop for miles around- to know how to make good pastry, and also how to make those canned green beans taste all right. She wants you to remember that you are human, and as such are entitled to that most basic of human rights, the right to eat well and enjoy life.
And that blows heirloom tomatoes and first- press Umbrain olive oil out of the fucking water." Julie & Julia- Julie Powell

Here I am world, my first post.....Welcome to the 21st Century

I have heard blogging is very therapeutic and where I am at this point in my life I need all the help I can get. Instead of being on xanax or pay thousands of dollars for a therapist, maybe this is a way I can work through my "every-day-ness" or "mess" I should say if you knew my life. What I mean by this is the monotony of the daily grind, to set short term goals and actually achieve or finish something in my life.

The goal:Finish my bachelors degree before I am 30. (I am 24 if anyone is counting) And document my struggle or quest to achieve that goal. Sound familiar? I am probably the 1 millionth young mother that is doing this right now and you are probably saying, Yeah, tell something that I don't know, in today's' society/economy. But, if I am the only person that reads and posts this, than for only my benefit, then whatever....It makes me feel better.

So you say "So what happened?" "What has kept you from finishing things in your life?" I could go into the whole, I got married at a young age and had three kids, two of which were twins and the series of events that follow and how life just gets in the way and before you know it, you are in this dead-end career and feel like you lost yourself. But, I won't. The main thing is procrastination....there is always an excuse with me....and for once, which is a lot for me to say "I am just tired of talking about it and I am actually going to do it!"

So what motivates me now? My 25th Birthday is coming up in May and I just realized, I am almost to 30. Yes, I have a great husband and children and family. I have accomplished things but, for me? my career? what I wanted to really do in life? (mind you I would not change my kids or husband by no means)

But, timing....without this going into a pity party, let's just say I was watching a movie "Julie and Julia" and started laughing of how similar this person was to me. I am a huge movie buff, I might say and it is so typical and cliche that a movie motivated me to realized that I needed to do something with my life. (As the eyes roll now)

But, before you already say: "Oh she's just some carbon copy of this movie that motivated her and turned her life around and blah blah blah".... I got to thinking... we are all products of influence and if it wasn't for Julia Child for Julie Powell she would not have started that short term goal "cooking her way through Julia Child's cook book Mastering the Art of French cooking" that motivated her to blog about it and then write a book, which made it into a movie and now she is successful with a sense of achievement. If it wasn't by inspiration out of some elses work to move forward with one's own ambition then what the point of learning. I think we all learn and grow from surrounding people/influences. So, if it takes a movie to inspire me to get up an do something then, kuddos to her.

So, the other day I was in Walden Books who, is going out of business in my small town and I was looking for a book called Paper Towns....By John Green "the vlog brothers on youtube" (for all you, youtube pioneers out there)....seriously check them out....So, anyway there was, in the midst of the 70 to 85% off, sea of discount-ness and there it was. The book (not the one I was looking for, or the Bible) But, "Julie and Julia" the book....it was calling to me.....(and only $5.00 too) So, I picked it up and a few days later started reading.

When, they say the book is better than the movie, believe them! So much more detail and information than what the can fit in less than 2 hours. So, I started reading and man, I just had to laugh (again) of the similarities.....but, the one thing that stuck with me was the statement referring to Julia Child's Potage Parmentier (complicated and french for leek and potato soup) was..... "that it was simple but, not easy". I of course relating everything to food as I do, in fact had the same revelation she did. Although, the soup is simple, the recipe consists of Potato's, leeks, water, butter,salt and pepper) the preparation is not easy but, the goal or final product is simple and consists of simple ingredients.

So, my goal is simple but, it is not going to be easy....so here we go day 1 of this 4 to 5 year journey. Let's see if I can do it.....

"And so, late that evening , a tiny line dropped into the endless sea of cyberspace, the slenderest of lures in the blackest of waters...... Julie Powell was looking for a challenge. And in the Julie/Julia project she found it. Risking her marriage, her job and her cats' well-being, she has signed on for a deranged assignment. 365 days. 524 recipes. One girl and a crappy outer borough kitchen. How far it will go, no one can say...." Julia & Julia - Julie Powell